This whole life sorta feels like its just a game, and maybe it is. Like.. the only part that feels real about it is family. Probably becuz theyve been there since the very beginning. Making friends feels real too, but dating.. feels kinda fake. You meet someone, try to have a relationship with them.. it doesnt workout so you break up, and then thats it- the end of them. They have no future role in your life, you can live without seeing them ever again. And then, you start all over again. Finding someone you like, trying to have a working relationship with that person, and then.. it ends, and you just keep starting all over until you find someone you can be with forever, or you just never find anyone.

But my point being we find people, then throw them away if theyre not satisfactory to our wants and needs. And yeah im a part of it, i take part in it, but it disgusts me- the fact that thats the way it is. I go into things hoping for the best, hardly ever prepared for the worst. I guess i dont believe in forever, but i do believe in love til death do us part. Like i deff believe the  first love you ever experience will last forever, no matter how much they put you through, thats how it is with me. I honestly dont think i could handle losing someone i love so so much more then twice.. so i think ill try one last time, maybe. And i rather wait til im old enough and ready to fall in love again because im dreading the cycle.. especially the end.

I think its beat how the people that try and riot or loot or whatever.. idk what to call it, just the people that cause problems and shit down south street ruin it for the rest of the ppl that go down there. Like theres alot of ppl like the ppl i chill with that are just chillin, well walk south street, just hangout and then one night my friend gets choked up by a cop and he wasnt even doin shit wrong. Or how i had to show my ID to the cops to prove i was 18 or older so i could walk down there, its rediculous to me, i mean its not that big a deal for me to show my ID i really dont care, i just think its bullshit that we have to because people wanna act like complete idiots.

Its NOT cool to fuckin rob people, like wtf.. you think your tough cuz you can take shit from people that you didnt earn or work for, but they more then likely did. You think its cool to fuck people up for no reason. Your so bad ass cuz you can fight without a cause. WTF ever.. its pathetic. Im not diggin it. And i know the cops are doin there job, they gotta keep the people safe, but fuck with people that are doing something wrong, not randoms that are just trying to walk into a Starbucks. God damn.

Im in a pretty good, chill mood so i cant really think of anything to write. But whatever, not like anyones gonna read this anyway. Im just bored. And since no one will read this except maybe a couple ppl.. okay atleast one, i can write about nothing ALL I WANT. Specially when im bored like right now.

Okay so my friend ryan is in the national guard and he just got  released today. I got to see him last night though, and i still have his cologne scent all over my shirt which i love. =D Im hoping to get to see him tonight.If not im just gonna stay in, maybe. All im lookin forward to is tmrw.. were going to Nocturne. Itll be my first time going there with him, so im thinkin it should be a good time. I hope. I hope no drama starts, im hopin i dont get kicked out again, and im really hopin.. i dont mess anything up in any way. I just wanna have fun. I need it. I want it. Oh baby.